More than a year has passed since I ended my “transition to big-boy beds” article with the great anticipation that my next big developmental undertaking would be potty training.  I was confident at that time that I would have another helpful and entertaining article written within weeks to share useful tips on my focussed and fool-proof methods.  The fact that this piece is about 13 months overdue should give readers some indication of the degree of success we have thus encountered with potty training twins in our household; its length will reflect the complexity of the task!

Let me begin by stating up front that this is one family’s story.  I have discovered that every child’s experience with potty training is different, as is every family’s approach to training multiples.  (As I write this, I think of our good friends with quads, who launched into potty training at 18 months because “Mom was ready”!)  The good news is that as of August 2007, Twin B is consistently peeing in the toilet, and is even starting to tell us now when he needs to go.  Twin A, well, not so much!  But I should begin at the beginning….

After getting the dirt on potty training from various friends with kids, I booked a week off for myself and my husband in July of 2006.  The boys were just over two years old.  A fellow POM from our local group had kindly given us her two potties at a recent meeting. The plan was to stay close to home all week and practise peeing on the potties, which we had conveniently located right on our front porch, easily accessible from living room TV Centre and outdoor play area.  We began preparing the boys the week before, by watching together a selection of potty-themed videos with them, and talking up how great it was all going to be when we had “no more diapers”.  By the beginning of the following week, the boys were psyched.  They knew most of the DVD’s accompanying songs by heart, and were eager to launch into the new collection of potty-related books we had set up in little baskets next to their potties and the big toilet upstairs for easy reading while sitting and, well, waiting.

My plan was to go cold turkey, so I gave away all our extra diapers the night before training was to begin.  When the boys woke up, we put them in thick “training” underwear for the day.  After breakfast, we had our first potty excursion.  Both Alex and Simon sat obligingly on their respective potties for nearly an hour, ravenously reading their new potty books and enjoying the warmth of the summer sun on the front porch.

After about 45 minutes, nothing had happened.  The literature had told us to stay cool about it all, so we said, “no problem, maybe next time”, and pulled up their pants.  Off they went to play out front, and within about 30 seconds, there was pee dribbling down one guy’s leg and a pile of poop next to the other guy!!!

As we realised that this training business was going to keep us closer to home for the week than we had anticipated, I decided to make a trip to Toys R Us to stock up on some “potty toys for the front porch only”.  (The truth of the matter is that two hours into our training week, I was going stir crazy and had to get OUT of the house!)

I returned home with my loot to my husband’s report that the boys had had another enthusiastic potty-sitting session followed this time by two pees on the living room carpet.  My commitment to the task lasted until well into the second morning.  By mid afternoon on Day Two, however, we decided to revisit the potty training idea “later”.  While the boys were still sitting quite willingly, they were becoming bored with the books.  And although we did have one actual pee in the potty, we’d also had several more pees and poops (one of which was unceremoniously eaten by the dog before we could clean it!) on the floor. Besides, the monotony of the front porch 24/7 for two whole days was killing us—we had tried to go to the park with the potty in hand, but once there, the boys had just peed all over the playground equipment.  Clearly, they were not physiologically ready to potty train.  According to all I had read, being able to decipher that you are actually going pee while you are doing it is a fairly fundamental requirement of being able to move forward in the whole potty training process!

In order to not backtrack entirely, we decided to begin using pull-ups, a more expensive version of diapers, designed, in my now wizened opinion, to keep a good portion of your pocketbook flowing directly to the diaper companies rather into other areas that might benefit your family.  The idea was that the boys would practise pulling up and down their own training pants rather than having a diaper put on them by someone else.  We figured this independence would be a first step to taking the matter into their own hands.  We also picked up a Blue’s Clues potty seat (great little portable device that fits simply over your toilet seat in order to make it toddler-friendly in size) at the TPOMBA sale, and had the boys sit on the big toilet for a short time each evening as part of the bath-time/bedtime routine. Occasionally there was a pee in the toilet, but more often than not, they just wanted us to read them “Everyone Poops” or “Dora’s Potty-time Book”, following which they would climb into the bathtub and immediately pee into the bathwater.  Nice.

An added complication in our household was that our Nanny was somewhat less committed to idea of toilet training than we were (even though we offered her the equivalent in diaper savings as a monthly cash bonus if she succeeded!)  I think the idea of sticking close to home and potty appealed to her socialite tendencies about as much as it had ours during our half-hearted, less-than-a-week-long endeavour!  Nevertheless, over the winter, we began to notice that one twin in particular seemed to be peeing in the toilet more consistently than the other. 

As winter turned to spring, and our nanny moved on to other employ, the boys started attending a local daycare centre.  Their approach to toileting was by necessity regime-based, and our two had plenty of opportunity to witness the potty success of their peers.
Eventually, after chatting with our fellow POMs at local meetings, we revisited our potty-training line of attack to enforce a regular schedule, more in keeping with the daycare.  The potties were relocated to the upstairs hall (near the bathroom, but with more space for two rambunctious pre-schoolers), and a visual chart was posted on a nearby wall.  Sitting and trying = 1 Smartie, successful pee in potty = 2 Smarties, poop gets you 3 whole Smarties!!! The boys still wore pull ups, but before leaving the house, and upon returning after each outing, they had to sit for a bit.

This new methodology was high stakes; we’d never introduced chocolate before!  And suddenly, we began to get some pees in the right place!  Alas, this phenomenon was performed by only one twin; the other just whined about getting only one Smartie while his brother got two.  Eventually, he lost interest in the Smarties altogether, and potty-sitting sessions turned into a bit fight over who got to use which potty.  The contraptions were frequently lifted up and used to smash a brother over the head.

It was then that we decided that it was going to “someone else’s turn to use the potties” (i.e. we passed them along to another family), and that the boys were now big enough to use the big boy toilet (with toilet seat insert).  In this way, we could toilet them one at a time, and also begin to phase out the Smarties (one day they just “ran out, no more, sorry”!), since one twin was now consistently peeing in the toilet, and beginning to rack up quite a sugar fix!

As we came to grips with the fact that one of our multiples was definitely showing readiness while the other wasn’t, I reflected on my strange determination to train them together, even though I am generally a strong advocate for fostering individuality.  I think I was probably just desperate to drastically reduce the weekly diaper bill!  In any case, after weeks of successful peeing (by one) in the toilet, we did have a little chat with both, recognising their individual needs, and assuring the not-yet-ready twin that we could work with him later, when he was ready.  Then we moved the ready twin to big boy underpants, and really started focussing on getting him to poop in the toilet.  From my reading I knew that for many children, pooping in the toilet was a frightening endeavour, as it felt like their innards were falling out.  So we expected some hurdles…  and we got them.  Every day there were one, sometimes two, poopy underpants to clean and subsequently, a boy so covered in feces that only a full shower would do the trick! On days when they went to daycare, our dear boy continued to pee in the toilet, and even started telling the teachers when he had to go, but he waited until the evening and comforts of home before pooping his pants again!  But we stuck with it—nearly 10 days, and finally, a miracle!  His first toilet-caught poop!  Yes, it was a tense affair with much fearful whining and bum- clutching, but he did it!  And we all did the happy dance around the bathroom and out into the hallway. 

In the following days, we had some more poops in the toilet (well, mostly… sometimes the first bit ended up on the floor, but no matter, we were getting closer).  Even his brother was now cheering him on when he achieved success!  And the day before yesterday, we had a report that our boy had a “B.M.” in the toilet at the daycare!  Hurrah!

Our delight has of course been tempered with the knowledge that now we still have one more little turkey to train, this one seemingly completely disinterested in the whole process.  But the literature shows that boys do tend to train later than girls, and despite my husband’s need for convincing, I know our other twin won’t be going to college in his pull-ups!

In summary, when embarking on potty training with multiples, be prepared follow each individual child’s lead, rather than your own.  If you’re going full-throttle, know that you’ll need re-think long travel or complicated outings.  Both parents (and daycare providers, if applicable) must be consistent in enforcing potty routines.  Overall, expect the unexpected, practise flexible thinking and stock up on humour—you’ll definitely need it!

For a selection of potty-themed books, click here.

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