"The first six weeks are the hardest", "hang in there, it gets better after the first six months", "getting through the first year is the biggest hurdle". 

If you are a parent of fairly young multiples, then these statements will surely resonate with you, as you've probably heard these words of wisdom from "older" parents of multiples.  I remember when our twin boys were about three months old.  The colic had not subsided, we were still not sleeping through the night, and I wasn't sure who I was going to kill first, my kids, my husband, or the next person who commented on what a "blessing" twins were!  On numerous occasions we heard from more seasoned parents of multiples that it really does get better, and although we had difficulty imagining that there could possibly be some shred of truth to these promises, we clung desperately to the hope that these wise and experienced parents of older multiples knew of what they spoke.  After all, their twins and triplets were beyond infancy, and the parents were still standing.

In particular, I recall one morning the summer after Alex and Simon's birth, when we ventured by ferry to the Toronto Islands.  Our stroller was loaded down, the boys were cranky because they had missed their morning nap to make the 10-o-clock GO train, and we wondered if this outing had been a bad choice for our six-month-olds.  Then we saw another family with twins; the boy and girl looked like well-established toddlers, and they were merrily playing on the bench and chattering with their mother about this and that.  We introduced ourselves, and asked the customary fellow-twins-parents questions about age, birth weight, when they started talking, etc.  The mom of these two well-adjusted pre-schoolers assured us with all certainty that things really start to come together around the third birthday.  She noted that it was just before they turned three that both her little ones really began using language in an extended way with great meaning, and this opened so many doors.  The diaper fixation was also becoming a thing of the past around this age, relieving the budget to some extent.  This M.O.T. looked so confident and sunny that despite the cranky racket emanating from our overburdened stroller at the other end of the bench, we were renewed in spirit.

This encounter occurred almost two years ago, but we think of this woman and her glorious children often.  Now Alex and Simon are almost three.  While Simon enjoys screaming at any new person he meets, and Alex continuously asserts his authority with a firm "NO!  Or you time out!" accompanied by frequent whining, in recent weeks, we have noticed in general a move towards more use of words and language, and less reliance on high-pitched squeals to make their wants and needs known.  The boys are also both walking and running with confidence, and we sometimes embark on short adventures without a stroller.  Their memory has also started to play a more conscious role, and they remember fun activities or people now, and sometimes ask or talk about these unprompted—the beginnings of a "real" conversation!

Perhaps the biggest and most exciting change is the boys' ability and desire to "play" together.  Usually this still involves parallel play and the occasional trading of toys, but they also sometimes talk to each other now, making it clear that they are aware of and appreciate one another as actual people.  After we put them to bed at night, we can often hear Simon and Alex nattering away with one another about the events of the day before they eventually drift off to sleep.

Recently I ran into a woman who was in my pre-natal exercise class.  Her "baby" was two and a half now, and she had just had a second child.  While I marvelled at the sweet little infant in the stroller, I did not envy her the re-acquaintance of 2-3 hour feedings at night and the many other challenges of a newborn.  She also commented on how difficult it was to get out with two kids!!!!!  It suddenly dawned on me that we had moved from the period of short-term pain and into the era of long-term gain that everyone with older twins had always told us about. 

As my neighbour wheeled her crying baby down the street while pulling her screaming toddler along behind, I walked with a little bounce in my step to my house, one boy on each side of me, stopping to look for cars before crossing the street just as they had both already been trained.  I reflected on how grateful I was to have moved firmly (i.e. with “all” my children simultaneously) into the next phase of family life.

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